The Truth Of It All
by ktiibanh
Summary: Lily Evans has decided that James Potter needs to know how she feels about him, but with his girlfriend in tow. Lily finds herself having troubles with admitting her feelings, and when she finally does she realises that maybe he doesn't feel the same way.


Lily Evans was confused, why on earth did her heart flutter whenever James Potter was around? She had caught herself staring at him all throughout the week during classes, his messy black hair stuck up in weird angles, how his hazel eyes glimmered when he laughed or how he annoyingly kept snogging his girlfriend in the hallways. Lily had caught them many times snogging, she tried to ignore them as much as possible but somehow they ended up right under her nose wherever she went. They were both appointed Head Boy and Girl and since the beginning of 7-th Year they had become friends, but James had also gained a girlfriend. His girlfriend, Jessie Birch a 7-th Year Ravenclaw who was pretty, funny and smart; a perfect combination for James Potter. They had begun dating at the end of October, and had been inseparable ever since. Lily cringed whenever they came into view, and her friends Alice and Marlene were beginning to suspect hidden feelings that Lily held for James.

Lily had begun to feel a certain affinity for James Potter ever since she became friends with him, although their past wasn't great they had came to an understanding that in order to fully work together they would need a clean slate. And ever since that agreement, Lily's feelings for James had grown.

Currently, Lily Evans sat in the Library trying to work on her Charms essay which was due in three days, however in the corner sat James Potter and his girlfriend both snogging. Lily groaned in distaste, and attempted to shut out the disturbing noise of their lips. She glanced over at them quickly, and saw that they were both in each other's arms; she shuddered at the sight. Yet in the pit of her stomach, a storm brewed of jealousy. She hated seeing them together but Lily was not the person to break a couple up, especially James Potter and Jessie Birch because it would mean that Lily had to admit to her feelings for him.

Lily could not take the sight anymore, she stood up abruptly and her quill clattered on the table. She walked quickly to the Charms section in the library, hoping to find some peace and quiet. Lily's eyes scanned the shelves looking for anything that would help with her essay, when she noticed a messy mop of black hair approaching her. Her eyes widened and she quickly ducked next to the shelf, hoping he wouldn't catch her.

"Lily? What are you doing?" said James quietly.

Lily looked up and nervously smiled, "I'm looking for... my earring that I dropped,"

"Oh, do you want some help?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.

"No, you can go back to snogging your girlfriend," said Lily hastily, instantly regretting the words.

James chuckled, "She's gone off to do some homework, are you also looking for material for the Charms essay?"

Lily nodded quickly, standing up she grabbed any book on the shelf she could find and ran off to her desk, whilst simultaneously muttering a quick goodbye to James.

Lily sighed as she sat down, she really did not want to talk to James Potter. Just being with him in that secluded area of the Library made her heart race, even the thought of only the two of them together made her palms sweaty. Lily Evans had officially gone mad, she was loony and crazy with infatuation of James Potter and there was nothing she could do about it.

Lily picked up her quill and began to flick through the textbook she had hastily picked up; she felt a sudden presence next to her. Looking up she saw James Potter grinning at her, she shook her head and sighed.

"Is there something I can help you with, James?"

"I was wondering if you could help me with the Charms essay,"

Lily snorted, "Like you need help with Charms, come off it; you're practically coming top of the class,"

James looked shocked, "Are you mad? I'm coming first," he spluttered, "You're the one who got the top mark in the class, remember that essay Filtwick handed out last week?"

"Just sit down and stop making a scene," said Lily, finally giving in to James relentless rants on her marks in Charms.

A few hours later, Lily and James had both finished their essay. Although Lily did have to help James, she also needed some assistance from James in concluding her essay. Lily glanced at her watch, it was almost time for dinner; maybe James and she could walk together to the Great Hall and they would laugh at his lame jokes and his recounts of the pranks the Marauders had successfully accomplished.

Lily smiled and turned to James, "Thanks for the help, Potter,"

"You too, Evans," James replied, grinning goofily at her.

Lily felt an urge to just spill out her secrets to James right there in the library, when and where else would she ever have the chance to tell him how she truly felt. Her selfish urges only came once in a blue moon, "James... I –..." Lily started to relinquish her feelings to James, when a figure came into view behind him.

"James, you ready to go?" said Jessie, smiling at both of them.

"What did you want to say, Lily?" James said, staring curiously at her.

Lily shook her head, "It can wait,"

James got up and packed his belongings into his rucksack, "Do you want to walk with us to dinner?"

Lily shook her head once more, "I've still got some things to do; you guys should go ahead,"

James smiled once more at Lily, a certain regret lingering in his hazel eyes as if he also didn't want to leave. Lily waved at Jessie and began to pack away her things as well; she didn't feel at all up for dinner. Sighing quietly to herself, she proceeded to walk out the library when a realisation dawned upon her. The War was inching closer and if she were to die the next day, she didn't want to leave any regrets behind. She would want James Potter by her side through it all, Lily Evans fancied the heck out of James Potter and he needed to know.

Lily skipped dinner and walked to the Gryffindor Common Room, muttering the password quickly to the Fat Lady she plopped herself onto the couch. She needed to think of how to tell James without Jessie being there, as far as Lily knew James would definitely rebuff her declaration of affection. And she would be okay with that, as long as he knew how she felt about him. Lily sighed and walked up to the dorm room; she showered and changed into casual clothing. Glancing at her watch, she noticed that dinner was almost over; Lily crept out of her room and peered down the stair well she saw Marlene and Alice rapidly approaching. Quickly, Lily ran into her dorm and jumped onto her bed closing the hangings.

"Lily Evans! I know you're faking being ill, so get your butt out here right now!" Alice growled.

Sighing in defeat, Lily opened up one of her curtains and peered out. She met the two faces of her friends, Marlene and Alice glaring at her.

"Hey..." said Lily, smiling weakly.

"Where on earth were you? We were both worried sick!" Marlene yelled, her face plastered with concern.

"I was in the library doing my Charms essay, and I wasn't hungry so I just came back here,"

"Thank god, James told us he saw you," said Alice, moving to sit next to Lily.

"You look tired and confused, Lily. What's wrong?" asked Marlene, who was standing.

"I'm going to tell James Potter how I really feel about him," said Lily after a moment, her eyes were planted on the ground trying to avoid the shocked faces of her friends.

"Finally Lily! Go on, hurry go tell him," said Alice with a laugh.

"Wait – What? You guys want me to tell him?" Lily said spluttering her words, confused beyond her wits.

"Hell yeah, we're sick of Jessie. She's really bland and once James hears that you finally fancy him, he'll dump her in a heartbeat," said Alice triumphantly.

Lily shook her head furiously, "That is not going to happen! James isn't like that, he's not going to break up with her just because I suddenly start fancying him, and I won't let him!"

Both her friends sighed, "Come on, Lily. You guys are both perfect for each other, you know two peas in a pod; all those clichés," Marlene said, trying to reassure Lily.

"Look, I'm going to find James and tell him how I feel. I owe it to him but he's not going to break up with Jessie unless there is a valid reason. And I fancying him is definitely not one!"

Both girls sighed dejectedly, Lily left the dorm room and walked down the stairwell hoping that James was in the Common Room. She glanced around trying to locate him, but all she saw was the other 3 Marauders in the corner playing chess.

"Remus, you don't know where James is do you?"

Remus Lupin glanced up at Lily, who was fidgeting with her hair. He smiled and replied, "He's with Jessie right now in the dorm,"

"Oh... do you know when they'll come out?"

Remus chuckled, "They'll probably be there for awhile, if you know what I mean,"

"Why the concern Lily? Is it something about Head Duties? Sirius could go up and get him for you," Remus said, concern in his eyes.

"I'm not going up there and disrupting their canoodling! Last time, Prongs almost hexed me into oblivion," Sirius said, glaring at Remus.

"It's fine, what I have to say can wait, I'll see you guys tomorrow then," Lily muttered, her eyes watering as she walked away. She had lost her chance, James was in love with Jessie and even if Lily did tell him her feelings it wouldn't change the fact that they had history. That they had once been in love, Lily decided not to return to her dorm she walked out the portrait hall and up to the Astronomy Tower she was still crying as she sat down on a ledge.

She had just berated a few younger students for snogging, when she heard footsteps nearing her. Lily wiped her tears away quickly, hoping her eyes weren't red or puffy.

"Lily? Are you okay?" asked James, who sat down next to her.

"I'm fine, it's way past curfew. Let's just head back to the Common Room," said Lily, standing up and walking towards the door.

"Why were you looking for me?" James asked now standing up, he walked to Lily and swung her around to face him. "What's wrong? Tell me please, Lily," James said pleading.

"I fancy you, James Potter. I fancy you a lot, but you've got a girlfriend and she's perfect. And I can't stop this feeling in my stomach, my heart always races when I'm around you, I get nervous and my palms become all sweaty and clammy. I just like you so much, and I wanted to let you know at least; just in case something happens to us. I just want you to know that at least once." Lily looked into James hazel eyes, his face unreadable.

"Lily, I don't know what to say. I'm – ..." James started, Lily who did not want to hear the rejection of James Potter's words ran out the door. As she ran, Lily couldn't understand why it hurt so much; she admitted she wouldn't care for James response but her heart had shattered at the mere thought of him saying no.

Lily Evans cried herself to sleep that night; she had muttered a silencing charm and made sure her curtains were closed. That night James Potter lay awake in his bed, wondering whether a certain girl was okay or not.

The next morning, Lily stayed in bed until Alice and Marlene dragged her out. She was in a daze, Lily would not talk or eat; Marlene had force fed Lily breakfast that Saturday morning; both of them glad that it was a weekend and that they had no classes.

"What happened, Lily?" asked Marlene, whose brow furrowed.

Lily shook her head; the Great Hall was filled with noise from chattering students. She didn't feel like telling Alice and Marlene about her disastrous night, nor could she bring herself to utter any words. Her body felt weak, her mind was muddled and her heart ached. Lily stood up too quickly, her body swayed as she almost fell to the floor. A pair of strong arms kept her in place; Lily glanced up at James Potter who seemed furious at the sight of her.

"Lily, what are you doing?" James said a stern look on his face.

"Let. Me. Go." retorted Lily.

James did not move, he held onto Lily tightly and walked her out of the Great Hall. As they progressed down the hallway, Lily shook out of James's tight grasp and glared at him.

"What are you doing? I'm fine so just go back to your girlfriend," spat Lily.

"No! I'm not leaving you until I know you're okay, so let's just go to the Hospital Wing," James said, trying to lull Lily down the hall.

"James, it hurts enough to see you here. I really can't take it if you're touching me, so please just let me go wallow in self pity. I promise to walk to the Hospital Wing by myself, I'll be fine," Lily said, her eyes locked on the ground.

She heard James sigh in defeat, "I'll check on you later then,"

Lily nodded and slowly walked down the hall; she would drop by the Hospital Wing for a check up and walk back to her dorm. She couldn't face James for another second, last night would flood back into her mind and she would most likely burst into tears once more at the mere thought of it.

An hour later, Lily Evans was allowed to walk back to her dorm from the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey had cleared her, and decided that she had no trace of her a sickness. Alice and Marlene had rushed to the Hospital Wing a few minutes after Lily had arrived; Lily had sent them away to enjoy their weekend. Now, Lily was walking freely by herself towards the Gryffindor Tower, hoping James wouldn't be waiting for her in the Common Room. Suddenly she heard, a pair of voices shouting down the hall quickly she concealed herself behind a column.

"Why were you touching her that way?" asked a female voice.

"We're just friends, Jess! She wasn't feeling so well, so I took her to the Hospital Wing," replied James, whose hands were in his pockets.

"I don't care if you're best friends with her, you shouldn't be touching her that way in any situation! I don't like the way she looks at you, like she's in love with you or something," retorted Jessie.

Lily was shocked to hear that Jessie considered her a threat, was it that obvious that Lily fancied James. Merlin.

"Can we just talk about this later? I'm kind of in a hurry to somewhere,"

"I know where you're going! You're going to go visit her, aren't you?"

"Jess... come on. I need to see if she's okay. I promise I won't bother her anymore, just let me go and see her this once," James said pleadingly.

"Fine, but I'm coming with you,"

James sighed and started to walk down the hall, where Lily was hiding behind a column. Slowly she turned around the column as they walked past, trying her best to conceal herself. As they left the hall, Lily bolted down the up the hall quickly muttering the password to the Fat Lady she ran up the stairs and hid in her bed.

Alice and Marlene came in a little while later, they checked up on Lily who was feigning sleep. Lily needed them to leave so she could formulate the best way to avoid James Potter; she decided she would avoid him as much as possible. Even though they had rounds together on Monday, and they needed to sort out meetings and timetables together. Lily sighed and stirred in her bed, the sun was about to set and its' glow coated the girl's 7-th Year dorm in a golden hue.

That evening Alice and Marlene convinced Lily to sit in the Common Room, they decided to start on their Transfiguration questions. Lily nervously walked down the stairwell, hoping and wishing that James wasn't there. As she glanced around the room quickly, she spotted him sitting in the corner staring at her. His brow was furrowed and seemed to be giving Lily a questioning look, as if to ask if she were feeling better. Lily ignored his eyes and walked straight to Marlene and Alice, sitting down she took out her Transfiguration textbook and began to work on the questions.

A few hours later, Alice and Marlene had finished their questions; Lily however still had a few to go. Alice and Marlene were reluctant to leave Lily alone in the Common Room, but the place was practically deserted. They made Lily promise to be up in half an hour, so they could talk about the events that had transpired yesterday.

Lily was almost finished her questions when she heard footsteps descending from the Boy's staircase, fearing it was James Potter she quickly packed away her belongings and made a dash for the Girl's stairwell.

"Lily wait!"

Lily cringed and turned around, James Potter stood before her in a t-shirt and a pair of slacks. His hair was messy and his glasses sat crookedly on his face.

"Look, I just wanted to know if you're feeling better," James said hesitantly, fearing that he would scare Lily off.

Lily nodded and begun to turn around, "Wait Lily, please let me just talk to you,"

"James, it's okay. I heard everything this afternoon, I'll leave you alone," said Lily.

"No, it's not what you think. Lily, I'm in love with you,"

"You're not James. I know you aren't, you're in love with Jessie,"

"Lily, you don't get it do you? I've been waiting for you for the past 3 years; I shouldn't have gone out with Jessie. I thought it was about time I gave up on you, and when Jessie appeared it was a good diversion for the time being, but after your confession I realised that I felt exactly the same way, yet I couldn't just break up with Jessie just because you told me you fancied me. I needed a legitimately valid reason, and I just found it. She's been cheating on me with Mulciber; Peter said he caught them in a broom closet last night,"

James now stood right in front of Lily; she could just make out his scent. "James, I'm sorry about Jessie but it doesn't change the fact that people talk and even if we did start going out, it doesn't change the fact that you almost gave up on me today. You were going to let her break our friendship, you stood there and you let her tell you what to do, what happened to loyalty? You know I might of disliked you in the past few years but one thing I admired about you was your loyalty to your friends,"

"I'm sorry Lily; I didn't know what to do. In that moment, I knew that the only thing to say was what she wanted to hear but you don't know how I felt. My heart was tearing apart inside, I would've of fought to keep our friendship alive even if we couldn't be more than friends. I'm sorry I let you down, but you have to understand that I would've of found ways to talk to you again, I would never let go of you,"

Lily observed the James Potter standing in front of her, his hazel eyes gleamed with sincerity. And she knew in that moment, that she would forgive him for everything. She would learn to love his flaws and accept them, she would treat him equally as he did to her. She would love him.

Lily smiled her green eyes illuminating with life. "I forgive you, James Potter. And I want you to know that I'll wait for you, I'll wait till you clean up this mess with Jessie. I'll stand by your side through everything, as long as you promise to stand by me. That you'll love me for my flaws and I'll do the same,"

"I love you, Lily Evans."

The following week, Lily Evans and James Potter had finally gotten together. The students of Hogwarts had never been more pleased and happy to finally see the two together.


End file.
